As someone who has been there.....I think I may be able to shed some light to the "Love" issue a bit. They way it was in my case, my ex was not abusive all the time, only when he was drinking. So when he was sober he was the man I loved. He was sober more than he was drunk. And when he was sober I knew he loved me. As time went on it got much worse, and the violence increased. People would say "why don't you leave him" I loved him, I knew that it was the drinking that made him do this, and that inside he was the man I loved and who loved me. I thought at any moment he would snap out of it and it would be ok. Towards the end I kept thinking I was doing something to anger him to make him do this. And I did say in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.
Then when the love finally was replaced with total fear and mind games of a drunk. Even when he was sober it was hard to be comfortable with him or to tell him I loved him. Of course this would be thrown in my face in his next drunken state.
Well it finally got so bad that unfortunately I suffered physical injuries, and after a few I did something I never thought I'd do. I totally lost control and I fought back once. He was 6ft 4 and I'm 5ft and my Daddy made sure I knew how to protect myself, so yeah I fight dirty and big objects are fair game. After it was over and I calmed down, I truly hated myself. My Father-in-law and brother-in-law came shorly after. My ex still passed out in the bedroom I thought they would hate me. I have known this family since I was 4 yrs old.
Now this is an example of unconditional love to me............... They were in shock when they saw my face and appearance. They asked where my ex was and I pointed to the bedroom. My brother-in-law sat me down and started to clean up my face and I just kept crying I'm sorry over and over. His Dad came out and said he's out for a while, I am calling your Mom. I will not stand by and let my son destroy you like this any longer. I've watched you grow up with my daughter, and you deserve much better than my son. He hugged me while I cried, and he told me I would always be like a daughter to him. I stayed with my brother-in-law that night since they decided it was the safest for me. They talked to my Mom who was all to glad for me to come home. My brother-in-law, his Dad, his roomates all got trucks and packed me up and had me moved in 2 hours. And I am still very close to the family. We try to get together once a year. As for the ex.........haven't seen or heard from him since about 2 years after the divorce. But I do know I was his first wife, and he is now beating wife #3
ok a looooooong explanation lol